A few years back, someone I met on tinder had lymph node inflammation and was hospitalized. I went to the ward to see her since the first date went well. Turns out her mom was in town to see her so I had to introduce myself as Jyotsna’s friend’s friend; from college. It was obviously awkward.

There were quite a bit of things that we left hanging on the first date so I was hoping to talk to her alone and the last thing I expected was to be in the ward with her mom sitting next to me. After all the small talk she asked if I could sing for her. Without much thinking I said, “not unless you’re dying” I realized that the grown-ups are not used to death jokes like us millennials from the howling noise her mom made. I apologized.

My brother passed away on the labor day of 2022 He was only 24 and I tried hard to radicalize him in his twenties, sending him videos and readings related to socialism. He did eventually become an anti-capitalist as he started working and realized he no longer had time for his art. (He was also a producer) In early 2022 Sri Lanka started facing the worst ever economic crisis. The rate of inflation rose to 50% a year. The people eventually took over the streets forcing the president to resign. The Protesters setup this make shift village called "Gota Go Gama" in front of the presidential secretariat. Now this was a good nudge to my brother. He went to work during the day, waited in the patrol queue in the evenings and went to the protests at night. An Aedes aegypti decided to bite him one of these days and he had no idea he had dengue until very late.

Despite having the elements of the left, Gota Go Gama wasn't a leftist protest village. (which I believe was a part of the reason for its eventual failure but that is an article for another day, anti-capitalism without a proposed alternative political-economical ideology can only take you so far) I still like to believe that my brother died a comrade, adopting the cause of people. A few hundred people showed up for his funeral. We sang "Handa Allanna Aasa Gamana" (Yearning to catch the moon) at the crematorium. Everybody cried. That's the most emotional I have felt singing a song in my life. We finished the rituals on 8th, 7 days after his death. On 9th the state attacked the protest village.

Being the first generation of death jokes and making memes about wanting to die hasn't made millennials any better in grief or understanding people who are grieving. Funerals are pretty compared to deaths. When the rituals finish and the crowd slowly leaves, that's when it hits you; a person you love no longer exists. People seem to think that grief is this linear process and does a decent job in the beginning. Again, this is mostly my experience because there were so many instances where I had to drag my mom away from a distant relative cause they kept asking her about the details of the death. People will say the most hurtful things at a funeral without even realizing it.

Grief is a roller coaster, not a mountain climb. It does not progress from bad to the better. It surges and falls, abates and intensifies, twists and turns. Will it help if the seat-belts were only worn at the beginning of the ride?
I am grateful for the few relationships I could depend on during the falls and twists mid-way, but I also think about the influx of support that I had in the beginning and slowly ceased. I wonder if I would be in a better place with my grief if that was consistent.

Though the physicality of death destroys us, the idea of death saves us. - Irvin D. Yalom

There's something so profound about grief. But for it to be cathartic and releasing it needs to be communal. I don't think many people are familiar with death. People witness death, of course. But not many dissect and analyze it enough to a point that they can comprehend it. This failure to acquire the comprehension of death makes the majority of people awkward during the times of death and post-death.

If we can joke about death, we can talk about death. We have it easier now since the humor has already surpassed the morbidity of death. As we discuss and analyze this intellectually apparent phenomenon, death; perhaps it would help us shift from being sympathetic to being more empathetic towards people. Instilling empathy is a necessary step in moving past political apathy, especially at a time where multiple genocides are happening in the world right now at Palestine, Sudan and Congo. As you wait for the year to end as if there's going to be a breakthrough in 2024, let this be it. Talk to someone about death on New Year's Eve. Embrace mortality before its inevitable occurrence.